I don’t even know where to begin with today’s blog post — it’s going to be short and sweet because I have a few other things that I’d like to get done tonight before I head to bed. But it’s one of those occasions that I feel I need to jot down for my own benefits, marking a turning point in life. Only, it’s going to be hard to talk about this in a way that stays true to my desire to not talk about it (as not to sabotage myself with that false dopamine hit you get from talking about something new). So for the sake of making things easier, I’m just going to refer to it as my creative expression — but anyone who knows me inside and out won’t be surprised, probably thinking to themselves “duh.”
Why am I keeping everything hush hush? Well, for starters I don’t want to tell family and friends for awhile, because I don’t want that feeling of “obligatory” positive reinforcement — when you’re family or a close friend, you almost feel obligated to say “oh, that’s good. Nice job.” Well, I don’t want that. I would rather hear the truth, truth that’d help me grow in my expression.
The other reason is that I’m going through a “reset” process in my life, recalibration my priorities, my perspectives, and my personal philosophy — and because my expression has had such a deep history and personal issues intertwined with it, there’s a lot of unhealthy perspectives that I need to pull out, like weeds out of a garden. But for once I have a much clearer perspective, understanding exactly what it is that I can control and what I cannot, and where things fall in that spectrum of control. After I feel like I’ve established enough time operating under a more healthy philosophy, then I’ll feel more comfortable sharing it with others.
But today was a monumental day — I had a very difficult time stepping away from what I was working on, spending over eight hours on it today and making substantial progress in short order. I’m glad that I’m able to bounce this stuff off my best mate though, it helps to not operate in a vacuum and get confirmation on things that I think need changing or altering. And as far as my point system goes, I think I earned another beer or two this week with how productive the weekend ended up becoming. I am pretty sure I came close to hitting my week’s goal in the weekend alone, plus an already productive week.
About the only drawback from this day was sitting for most of it — I really should have stepped away from the computer for awhile and gone for a walk or stretch for awhile. My back is in rough shape after today. Sleep should help a little.
Well I need to get on with my night. I thought I’d post this here for my own personal mile marker. I don’t expect this post in particular to be of value to anyone since it’s shrouded in mystery and secrecy. Soon, though. Soon.